JM: You've been pre-approved!
AA: So have you... FOR THE SHREDDER!!!
JM: Time-sensitive materials enclosed!
AA: Oh, if that's the case, I guess I'd better hurry and... SEND YOU TO THE SHREDDER!!!
JM: Don't delay!
AA: Do the words, "MR. PAPER EATER IS HUNGRY," mean anything to you? And don't think you can fool me with your pseudo-handwritten font. Is that supposed to make you look more personal or something? Like you care? You shred just as easily.
JM: Act now!
AA: Thank you, I will. I'd like you to meet a friend of mine and your worst nightmare. Perhaps you've heard of him? His name is SHREDDY THE SHREDDER and he'd like to chop you into a gazillion unrecognizable pieces.
JM: You're a finalist!
AA: Sorry, but your friend that told me I was a semi-finalist didn't have SHRED INSURANCE. And from the way you are trembling in your HIGHLY SHRED-WORTHY envelope, I somewhat suspect that you don't either.
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7 comments:
another incredibly productive day, eh?
So tell us how you really feel about this never ending amount of useless mail. Opposed to the terminology "junk mail", I prefer to use...Fan Mail. I mean, where else are you going to get never ending requests to “endorse” such fine “products”? And now that you are published writer, the fan mail will only increase and the groupies will follow soon after.
ditto.
Shreddy the Shredder-Delightful
I swear you are on of the most creative people I've ever met!
I hope that the photo is merely an artistic interpretation of a shredder in use and not either SHREDDY THE SHREDDER's actual modus operandi or a picture of SHREDDY THE SHREDDER after being burped. I mean, even eating something as distasteful as junk mail, I'd think a shredder should be able to hold it down without barfing it all back up on you.
I understand though. My shredder is well fed too. I have a 40 gallon hefty sack full of shredded paper that has accumulated over time. Anyone need any confetti?
SHREDDY THE SHREDDER, despite his violent paper-shredding tendencies and insatiable need to obliterate anything from publisher's clearinghouse, is actually a bit camera shy. So no, this is just a picture of a generic shredder I found online. I hope one day you are able to meet the real SHREDDY as he is actually quite a loving and tender-hearted household appliance.
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