The Nature of Heaven
Speaking of life in the eternal realm, Joseph Smith taught in the Doctrine and Covenants, “And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy” (D&C 130:2).
When Mormons picture heaven, they picture a social structure that is not dramatically different from the one in which we now find ourselves. The fabric of eternity is threaded with families—mothers, fathers, sons and daughters--communing as we do now, but accompanied by the glory that is to be found from living in the presence of God, the Father, and his Son, Jesus Christ.
Families are “sealed” together through a special ceremony effected in dedicated temples, making the bonds between family members impermeable to the ravaging effects of death. Such a family has the promise of preserving its sacred union in the life that follows this one.
But to imagine heaven as merely a collection of distinct families, separate and autonomous, is to imagine a heaven that doesn’t exist; for the heavenly social structure is not one of scattered, broken branches, but of a whole and living tree.
While the sealing described creates direct links between participating family members, the implication is that indirect links are made via connections to the larger tree. The result is not only an intra-forging of bonds, but also an inter-stitching between component families.
Our “family” then constitutes a much greater society than perhaps we sometimes realize. The divine family consists not only of blood-relatives, but also of more distantly consanguineous friends. If this is the case, then investing in our friendships is an investment of an eternal nature, and one we would expect to continue to build and enjoy through the eternities.
It is no wonder that Joseph Smith declared friendship to be “one of the grand fundamental principles of Mormonism.” He further explained friendship with the simile: “Friendship is like [a blacksmith] in his blacksmith shop welding iron to iron; it unites the human family with its happy influence.”
Friendship that Transcends Culture
I am intrigued by an emotional scene recounted in chapter 27 of Mosiah in the Book of Mormon where Alma is reunited with his “brethren in the Lord,” Aaron, Omner, Himni, and Ammon. Upon seeing Alma, Ammon is “swallowed up in the joy of his God, even to the exhausting of his strength.” In fact, the reunion is such a “joyful meeting” that Ammon falls on the ground, having apparently fainted, and this overflowing of emotion from a man who no more than ten chapters earlier went on a bloody dismemberment spree, massacring more than a few Lamanites in defense of the King’s flocks.
I can think of no better way than limb-severing to assert one’s incontrovertible manliness. Is it at all surprising to you to see someone, as brusquely masculine as Ammon is touted to be, fainting, nay, swooning at the sight of another man? Can you imagine how intimate Alma’s and Ammon’s relationship must have been to elicit that kind of response? From an American cultural point of view, this is a very strange sight indeed. All sorts of culturally-programmed alarms should be sounding shrilly at this blatant display of homo-emotion.
Ty Mansfield quotes Sam Keen as saying:
“Friendship may be the surest source of satisfaction in a fickle world, better than sex, money, or power. The Greeks valued it about romance or reputation and gave it an honored place in the pantheon of love...
“‘Normal’ American men are homophobic, afraid of close friendships with other men. The moment we begin to feel warmly toward another man, the 'homosexual' panic button gets pressed. It makes us nervous to see French or Italian men strolling down the street arm in arm. Must be queer! From a cross-cultural perspective it is we who are odd; close male friendship is the norm in most societies and is usually considered a more important source of intimacy than romantic relationships. The celebrated friendships of David and Jonathan or Achilles and Patroclus reflect a valuation more typical than the American pattern of acquaintanceship or a quick slap on the butt after making a touchdown. In most nontechnological cultures, friendship makes the world go round, not money or sex.”
Pre-marital, Intra-marital and Extra-marital Intimacy
There was a time, not so long ago, when I felt alone. I agonized over whether I would ever find the intimacy I was seeking in a relationship. It seemed that the only intimate relationships I had were with my constant companions: fear, diffidence, and doubt. I felt abandoned by the Lord: an abandonment, I wondered, if I was desperate enough to make reciprocal by my choosing to follow a different path.
It was in my seemingly inconsolable sadness that the Lord opened my mind to a new perspective on love. As I racked my brain, trying to find any evidence in my life that the Lord knew me, that he was aware of my situation, or that he cared, I thought of my friends. I thought of the strength I derive from true friendship, and I was lifted out of my self-created abyss of loneliness. The truth was that I had experienced love, and not just the run-of-the-mill romantic kind. I had friends.
It is unrealistic to expect that a only one person, a spouse, will be able to completely satisfy our need for intimacy. While some erroneously equate intimacy with sex, the truth is that you can have sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex. Ty Mansfield notes, “In our popular culture that worships sex, sexuality, image, fashion, and almost all that is superficial, it is no wonder that so many in society fail to understand true intimacy, because eternal intimacy extends far beyond the sexual, and eternal love encompasses more than the romantic.”
Don’t get me wrong; sex is great, but it is highly overrated relative to the more lasting virtue of friendship, an element that is absolutely prerequisite for success in a romantic relationship and for sex to have any sort of binding value.
A friend of mine once shared with me a parable he termed the parable of fine dining. In it he described a meal divided into courses. One doesn’t proceed to the main course before enjoying the appetizers. Likewise, one doesn’t order dessert before he or she has eaten the main course. There is a natural order to the experience, an order that ensures maximum culinary contentment. And so it is with romantic relationships: one cannot subsist solely on dessert without depriving himself of the nourishment that comes from the other vital aspects of a relationship.
Marriage as Subsidiary to Charity
Charity is defined in the scriptures as “the pure love of Christ” (Moroni 7). I have often wondered if this definition is intentionally ambiguous. In other words, charity could be the pure love of Christ where Christ is the object of our love; but charity could also be the pure love of Christ, the love that belongs to Christ--meaning the love that he exhibits towards others—a love that we are expected to emulate. These two loves, the love we have towards Christ, and his love towards others that finds habitation in us, could in fact be one and the same. If this is the case, then the command to be charitable is a perfect encapsulation of the New Testament entreaties to first, love God, and second, love our neighbor (Matt 22:37-39).
While many of us single latter-day saints are acutely aware of the injunction to find and love a spouse (D&C 132), we often forget that charity, not marriage, is the true sine qua non of salvation (Moroni 7:44), with marriage being one important way in which charity is applied. Hence, our adherence to the commandment to find and love a spouse should be measured less by our ability to find a spouse, and more by our ability to love.
Is it possible that we sometimes become so obsessed with maintaining a thriving dating pool that we forget to nurture our relationships with Christ and the other less date-worthy objects of His charity? Although the marriage relationship is certainly part of God’s plan for the happiness of his children, ultimately, the relationship that will bring us the most happiness is not a romantic one. It is our relationship with Jesus Christ that brings salvation and exaltation.
The Friend We Have in Jesus
The Atonement of Jesus Christ was the supreme act of friendship. Through His experience in the garden and of the cross, Christ became intimately acquainted with each of us--our longings, our heartaches, our anguishes--for he lived them. Elder Bateman explains:
“For many years I thought of the Savior’s experience in the garden and on the cross as places where a large mass of sin was heaped upon Him. Through the words of Alma, Abinadi, Isaiah, and other prophets, however, my view has changed. Instead of an impersonal mass of sin, there was a long line of people, as Jesus felt ‘our infirmities’ (Heb 4:15), ‘[bore] our griefs, … carried our sorrows … [and] was bruised for our iniquities’ (Isa 53:4-5).
“The Atonement was an intimate, personal experience in which Jesus came to know how to help each of us.”
And Stephen Robinson adds:
“All the negative aspects of human existence brought about by the Fall, Jesus Christ absorbed into himself. He experienced vicariously in Gethsemane all the private griefs and heartaches, all the physical pains and handicaps, all the emotional burdens and depressions of the human family. He knows the loneliness of those who don’t fit in or aren’t handsome or pretty. He knows what it’s like to choose up teams and be the last one chosen. He knows the anguish of parents whose children go wrong. He knows the private hell of the abused child or spouse. He knows all these things personally and intimately because he lived them in the Gethsemane experience. Having personally lived a perfect life, he then chose to experience our imperfect lives. In that infinite Gethsemane experience, the meridian of time, the center of eternity, he lived a billion billion lifetimes of sin, pain, disease, and sorrow.”
We can nurture our relationship with the Savior by “[cleaving] unto [Him] as he cleaveth unto [us]” (Jacob 6:5). Of all the relationships we enjoy, the friendship we develop with the Savior will bring us the greatest sense of purpose and lasting fulfillment. Others of our associations have meaning through that most valuable of friendships.
Speaking of life in the eternal realm, Joseph Smith taught in the Doctrine and Covenants, “And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy” (D&C 130:2).
When Mormons picture heaven, they picture a social structure that is not dramatically different from the one in which we now find ourselves. The fabric of eternity is threaded with families—mothers, fathers, sons and daughters--communing as we do now, but accompanied by the glory that is to be found from living in the presence of God, the Father, and his Son, Jesus Christ.
Families are “sealed” together through a special ceremony effected in dedicated temples, making the bonds between family members impermeable to the ravaging effects of death. Such a family has the promise of preserving its sacred union in the life that follows this one.
But to imagine heaven as merely a collection of distinct families, separate and autonomous, is to imagine a heaven that doesn’t exist; for the heavenly social structure is not one of scattered, broken branches, but of a whole and living tree.
While the sealing described creates direct links between participating family members, the implication is that indirect links are made via connections to the larger tree. The result is not only an intra-forging of bonds, but also an inter-stitching between component families.
Our “family” then constitutes a much greater society than perhaps we sometimes realize. The divine family consists not only of blood-relatives, but also of more distantly consanguineous friends. If this is the case, then investing in our friendships is an investment of an eternal nature, and one we would expect to continue to build and enjoy through the eternities.
It is no wonder that Joseph Smith declared friendship to be “one of the grand fundamental principles of Mormonism.” He further explained friendship with the simile: “Friendship is like [a blacksmith] in his blacksmith shop welding iron to iron; it unites the human family with its happy influence.”
Friendship that Transcends Culture
I am intrigued by an emotional scene recounted in chapter 27 of Mosiah in the Book of Mormon where Alma is reunited with his “brethren in the Lord,” Aaron, Omner, Himni, and Ammon. Upon seeing Alma, Ammon is “swallowed up in the joy of his God, even to the exhausting of his strength.” In fact, the reunion is such a “joyful meeting” that Ammon falls on the ground, having apparently fainted, and this overflowing of emotion from a man who no more than ten chapters earlier went on a bloody dismemberment spree, massacring more than a few Lamanites in defense of the King’s flocks.
I can think of no better way than limb-severing to assert one’s incontrovertible manliness. Is it at all surprising to you to see someone, as brusquely masculine as Ammon is touted to be, fainting, nay, swooning at the sight of another man? Can you imagine how intimate Alma’s and Ammon’s relationship must have been to elicit that kind of response? From an American cultural point of view, this is a very strange sight indeed. All sorts of culturally-programmed alarms should be sounding shrilly at this blatant display of homo-emotion.
Ty Mansfield quotes Sam Keen as saying:
“Friendship may be the surest source of satisfaction in a fickle world, better than sex, money, or power. The Greeks valued it about romance or reputation and gave it an honored place in the pantheon of love...
“‘Normal’ American men are homophobic, afraid of close friendships with other men. The moment we begin to feel warmly toward another man, the 'homosexual' panic button gets pressed. It makes us nervous to see French or Italian men strolling down the street arm in arm. Must be queer! From a cross-cultural perspective it is we who are odd; close male friendship is the norm in most societies and is usually considered a more important source of intimacy than romantic relationships. The celebrated friendships of David and Jonathan or Achilles and Patroclus reflect a valuation more typical than the American pattern of acquaintanceship or a quick slap on the butt after making a touchdown. In most nontechnological cultures, friendship makes the world go round, not money or sex.”
Pre-marital, Intra-marital and Extra-marital Intimacy
There was a time, not so long ago, when I felt alone. I agonized over whether I would ever find the intimacy I was seeking in a relationship. It seemed that the only intimate relationships I had were with my constant companions: fear, diffidence, and doubt. I felt abandoned by the Lord: an abandonment, I wondered, if I was desperate enough to make reciprocal by my choosing to follow a different path.
It was in my seemingly inconsolable sadness that the Lord opened my mind to a new perspective on love. As I racked my brain, trying to find any evidence in my life that the Lord knew me, that he was aware of my situation, or that he cared, I thought of my friends. I thought of the strength I derive from true friendship, and I was lifted out of my self-created abyss of loneliness. The truth was that I had experienced love, and not just the run-of-the-mill romantic kind. I had friends.
It is unrealistic to expect that a only one person, a spouse, will be able to completely satisfy our need for intimacy. While some erroneously equate intimacy with sex, the truth is that you can have sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex. Ty Mansfield notes, “In our popular culture that worships sex, sexuality, image, fashion, and almost all that is superficial, it is no wonder that so many in society fail to understand true intimacy, because eternal intimacy extends far beyond the sexual, and eternal love encompasses more than the romantic.”
Don’t get me wrong; sex is great, but it is highly overrated relative to the more lasting virtue of friendship, an element that is absolutely prerequisite for success in a romantic relationship and for sex to have any sort of binding value.
A friend of mine once shared with me a parable he termed the parable of fine dining. In it he described a meal divided into courses. One doesn’t proceed to the main course before enjoying the appetizers. Likewise, one doesn’t order dessert before he or she has eaten the main course. There is a natural order to the experience, an order that ensures maximum culinary contentment. And so it is with romantic relationships: one cannot subsist solely on dessert without depriving himself of the nourishment that comes from the other vital aspects of a relationship.
Marriage as Subsidiary to Charity
Charity is defined in the scriptures as “the pure love of Christ” (Moroni 7). I have often wondered if this definition is intentionally ambiguous. In other words, charity could be the pure love of Christ where Christ is the object of our love; but charity could also be the pure love of Christ, the love that belongs to Christ--meaning the love that he exhibits towards others—a love that we are expected to emulate. These two loves, the love we have towards Christ, and his love towards others that finds habitation in us, could in fact be one and the same. If this is the case, then the command to be charitable is a perfect encapsulation of the New Testament entreaties to first, love God, and second, love our neighbor (Matt 22:37-39).
While many of us single latter-day saints are acutely aware of the injunction to find and love a spouse (D&C 132), we often forget that charity, not marriage, is the true sine qua non of salvation (Moroni 7:44), with marriage being one important way in which charity is applied. Hence, our adherence to the commandment to find and love a spouse should be measured less by our ability to find a spouse, and more by our ability to love.
Is it possible that we sometimes become so obsessed with maintaining a thriving dating pool that we forget to nurture our relationships with Christ and the other less date-worthy objects of His charity? Although the marriage relationship is certainly part of God’s plan for the happiness of his children, ultimately, the relationship that will bring us the most happiness is not a romantic one. It is our relationship with Jesus Christ that brings salvation and exaltation.
The Friend We Have in Jesus
The Atonement of Jesus Christ was the supreme act of friendship. Through His experience in the garden and of the cross, Christ became intimately acquainted with each of us--our longings, our heartaches, our anguishes--for he lived them. Elder Bateman explains:
“For many years I thought of the Savior’s experience in the garden and on the cross as places where a large mass of sin was heaped upon Him. Through the words of Alma, Abinadi, Isaiah, and other prophets, however, my view has changed. Instead of an impersonal mass of sin, there was a long line of people, as Jesus felt ‘our infirmities’ (Heb 4:15), ‘[bore] our griefs, … carried our sorrows … [and] was bruised for our iniquities’ (Isa 53:4-5).
“The Atonement was an intimate, personal experience in which Jesus came to know how to help each of us.”
And Stephen Robinson adds:
“All the negative aspects of human existence brought about by the Fall, Jesus Christ absorbed into himself. He experienced vicariously in Gethsemane all the private griefs and heartaches, all the physical pains and handicaps, all the emotional burdens and depressions of the human family. He knows the loneliness of those who don’t fit in or aren’t handsome or pretty. He knows what it’s like to choose up teams and be the last one chosen. He knows the anguish of parents whose children go wrong. He knows the private hell of the abused child or spouse. He knows all these things personally and intimately because he lived them in the Gethsemane experience. Having personally lived a perfect life, he then chose to experience our imperfect lives. In that infinite Gethsemane experience, the meridian of time, the center of eternity, he lived a billion billion lifetimes of sin, pain, disease, and sorrow.”
We can nurture our relationship with the Savior by “[cleaving] unto [Him] as he cleaveth unto [us]” (Jacob 6:5). Of all the relationships we enjoy, the friendship we develop with the Savior will bring us the greatest sense of purpose and lasting fulfillment. Others of our associations have meaning through that most valuable of friendships.
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6 comments:
Beautiful post and some really deep ideas. I've done some thinking about friendship and charity in the past, but your post brings some new insights into the equation for me. More to think about. Thanks.
I'm impressed. And humbled. And also realize I'm incredibly lucky.
Ditto! That was a beautiful post.
You know, I've been thinking all week about similar things...about the beauty and power of friendship, about true love - not in a romantic sense but just...really loving people. I really don't think there is anything more powerful.
Very nice
Seems you've been doing some thinking eh? Very well said. Many of my deepest relationships have been/are friendships. We Americans have a bit to learn about true love from our cohorts in history and across space. Those Chinese and Armenians--whew! Do they know friendship!
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