"One of the grand fundamental principles of 'Mormonism' is to receive truth, let it come from whence it may."
--Joseph Smith
"We're a couple." We were sitting in their living room, my home teaching companion and I. After two or three similar visits, the two men we were chatting with came out to us. I don't think either of us was surprised, but I don't think we were prepared either. It was somewhat unfamiliar territory. "We've had other visitors from the church, home teachers and missionaries. After they figure out what's going on, they run for the hills," he said. Despite what I would have expected, there was no ill-will in his tone. He smiled and I laughed. But it was a laugh mingled with sadness. Sadness for the neglect these two had undeservedly experienced.
We continued to visit them. Why wouldn't we? They listened intently to our lessons and had great insights to share. They came to church when we invited them to a special service. They took our invitation to share the Book of Mormon seriously by discussing it with a neighbor. We learned about their families, their jobs, and their schooling. One was a computer guy, the other a musician. We went to concerts and pod-raced at Dave and Busters. Christmas came and they presented us both with gifts. They were friendly and thoughtful and clever, and laughing always constituted a significant portion of our visits.
Life has a way of discouraging keeping-in-touch as it moves us radially away from shared time and space, but we are still friends. Facebook (peace be upon Mike Zuckerberg) has become our principal means of communication, but if we were to hang out I'm sure things would be like they were. Sometimes I think about what would have happened if we, too, had "run for the hills" because of fear of a new situation. It would have been such a loss. I learned so much from these two, though ironically, my original motivation for visiting them was because I had something to teach them. Ha!
I have since made other friends in the gay community. We may not always agree on everything, but that doesn't mean I don't have something to learn. Does the gay community have truth? Absolutely. If I am to circumscribe all truth into one great whole, then I must be willing to look for truth wherever it is found.
One of the things I have learned is that we are way too worried about being macho. Male sensitivity is definitely something to celebrate, though in our hypermasculinized society it is considered a weakness. In fact, I would go so far as to say that to develop traits of sensitivity and genuine concern for others is a commandment, a commandment that is incongruous with the ideal of male invincibility. Indeed, the God whom we are commanded to emulate is likely just as kind, generous, and loving as he is confident, powerful, and strong, though the former are not consistent with the model of masculinity by which modern men are measured. Those are truths I have discovered in unconventional places, or the gospel in gay.
Sometimes we are afraid that adding "extraneous" truths to the body of truths we currently possess somehow taints the truths we have acquired. We feel threatened when we come across truths in foreign places because it requires admitting that we don't have a monopoly on all truth. To illustrate, I offer the parable of the digital music collection. Since the nineties, I have been a huge fan of alternative rock. Alternative was simply the best thing that had happened to popular music and there was no telling me differently. Anything ouside of this genre, including Country and Rap, was heresy. You might say I saw Alt-rock as the only "true" music genre. I'd be damned if I added anything Shania to my immaculate collection. I was so focused on what I was comfortable with, on what I knew, that I wasn't willing to admit that there was anything ouside of that. But one day, I decided to be brave, and I reached outside of what I was comfortable with. I was amazed at what I found. Good music. In unlikely genres. Where was this music hiding the whole time? Turned out it wasn't. I just couldn't hear it.
"He that hath ears to hear, let him hear" (Matt 11:15).
It's amazing what you can hear when you have ears to hear it.
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9 comments:
The masculinity thing is one of many reasons I love Indian films. They show a different conception of masculinity than Hollywood films, and I much prefer their version. Indian heroes express their emotions, respect their parents, have close friendships with other men, and stop to help old ladies across the street. An Indian hero can go from fighting off a great white shark or 20 armed goons to crying because he sees something that reminds him of his misplaced mom or his lost love. I find it very attractive. (See: Prabhas.)
You might be interested in this little article about masculinity in Bollywood films: http://bollywhat.com/ramblings/masc_ram.html
I don't necessarily agree with everything in the article, but I think it makes some good points.
I love you Adam! I wish we lived closer so we could still hang out. I'm just saying...
I love the way you describe finding truth in the world around us, rather than just the narrow confines of our tradition. I wonder if there is a tendency to limit truth to "church things" because it is easy. There is the perception that truth in "church things" is easy because it has already been vetted by the General Authorities, the Correlation Committee, or Deseret Book. Truth outside of those areas can be harder to find, and requires that we seek it out, that we discern from the many options that are available, and that we stay closer to the Spirit, which helps us recognize truth.
I believe our lives are richer when we open ourselves to truth outside of "church things." Some of the sweetest experiences I have had since moving to the South involve praying with and bearing testimony with dear friends of many faiths.
Good writing and good thoughts, dear cousin.
Did Matt convert you to Shania? He gave me a Shania Twain CD in Provo - I actually kinda liked it.
Cindy: I noticed that when we watched Dil Chahta Hai. It was quite refreshing to see. Next time we hang out, after I settle the score with you in a game of Set, we should definitely watch another BW flick.
Wow, Adam I remember those visits. You're right, I don't think I was surprised either when they "came out" to us. I've missed visiting them because those were some of the best visits I've ever had for home teaching, since it felt like they were genuinely interested in having us come over and spend time with them. It's kind of funny you would mention this--a guy at school who is gay is becoming one of my best friends there but what is funny to me is that the thing that weirds me out the most is that he's like 15-16 years younger than me! That's taking more getting used to than him being gay, though it's still a weird feeling when he's checking out other guys.
Although as Mormons we're supposed to be pretty unconditional and accepting of other people it seems to me that (unfortunately!) most Mormons are just as judgmental as any one else. It's pretty hard to feel accepted if you don't fit into the Mormon stereotype.
I love what you say about truth, though if you're really meaning Shania....hmmm I don't know about that! ;-) (I don't dislike country, just not a Shania fan, but I do really love bluegrass/gospel). I've felt that about music for a long time. When I was an undergrad I had one member tell me (incidentally someone I home-taught) that so much modern (avant-garde classical) music was definitely not good for the Spirit. Ever since I discovered this kind of music I've been intrigued by it and now even more than ever think there is definitely a place for it in God's world. I've even started a blog dedicated to John Cage, one of the most radical thinkers of the 20th century. Truth is everywhere, and you're right, our eyes and ears do need to be open or we will simply miss out.
Hiya Jared! Yeah I miss those days. I miss my home teaching companion! That's cool what you've been able to learn about modern music. So funny that someone would say modern music detracts from the Spirit. Then again, it certainly is easier to just dismiss something we don't understand rather than put the effort into studying it out to find its virtues. However, I think that's what God expects us to do.
Adam: It's a plan. Although, is watching the film dependent on you winning Set? Because I'll need to know ahead of time if throwing the game is required. :)
Good insight.
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