Three things NOT to say to/about a young single adult:1. "Is there an adult here?"
2. "For those of us who have families..."
3. (See the following conversation)
YMA: Are you dating anyone?
YSA: No.
YMA: Are you happy?
YSA: Yes.
YMA: Good. Because John Bytheway says, "The best thing is to be happily married, but the second best thing is to be happily single."
YSA: ...
P.S. I don't think any of these people was intentionally trying to make me feel marginalized. They probably just weren't thinking about what they were saying. Or perhaps they just didn't know how to treat people in a situation they have never experienced (i.e. being 28 and single in the church), or if they had experienced it, they were so far removed that they had forgotten what it was like. I've recently identified some stupid things that I say that are offensive. Here are a few:
"That's so retarded."
"I've been gypped!"
I'm trying to eliminate insensitive terms from my vocabulary, so do me a favor and call me out on it when I slip up.
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14 comments:
I really liked this post. That would be so frustrating.
Hi Adam, I am Elizabeth's friend Daphne and I also wanted to say I liked your post. I'm only 25 and yet I am sometimes made to feel like an ancient failure because I am single and childless.
Oh, and screw John Bytheway by the way.
HaHAhAhAhHAHAHA!!!
Party over here.
My favorite ever was a conversation with my grandparents:
Grandpa: Are a lot of your friends getting married?
Me: Now that you mention it, yeah, I have a lot of friends getting married.
Grandpa: Do you ever feel left out?
Me: Well, I hadn't really thought of it like that...
Grandpa: Well, when I was single I really wanted to get married, and I met your grandma.
(Grandma gets on the phone.)
Grandma: I'll tell you what, I got married when I was 23 and I WISH I'D WAITED LONGER.
Me:...
Ouch...I have definetly received some of those comments myself. My favorite comments are from my grandma as she gives me advice and often tells me to try online dating. She does her research though and tells me about a friend of a friend who used this website and it was fantastic... :) Is there no rest for the single?
I always like unfounded speculation about why you have the "problem" of being single. Someone once asked me whether I was asexual and that's why it didn't bother me that I was married or dating. I was rather taken aback.
Of course, my mom's theory is that I'm not married because I'm too sarcastic, and my grandpa's theory is that it's because I grew up in a small town. I was like, "Um, I don't really think so."
But seriously, does there have to be something wrong with you for you not to be married?
Oh, and about the use of words like "retarded" -- when I lived with a roommate who had been institutionalized for mental health problems, I realized that I used the word "crazy" a lot as an insult. You know, maybe it's my marginalization of crazy people that's the reason I'm not married.
Now I have to add crazy to my list of no-no's.
Don't forget about lame. That might offend people who can't walk. Or stupid, that might offend stupid people.
Oh dear my vocabulary is quickly dwindling.
If you want to get back at the married people who ask you why you are still not married, ask them when they are going to have kids (or when they are having more). This always bothered that heck out of me after I got married. ;)
SO TRUE. I hate when people bring up kids.
Oooh I think I'll try that :)
I'm not too worried about your vocabulary shrinking too much. After all, you make up more words than you are losing from a desire not to marginalize.
When in doubt, you could always refer to something as "flapperly". I've heard it works in any situation you want, with only a minor possibility of mildly offending.
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