On Mormon masculinity

This article and the phenomenon it describes are fascinating to me. I have spent countless hours pondering the subject of masculinity and homosocial dynamics in LDS congregations (though I never have been able to concretize my thoughts quite as well as Haglund does). And although I have never participated in a church basketball game, I frequently find myself contemplating the phenomena she describes, often in real-time, as I attend church, participate in elders quorum social activities and service projects or receive visits from home-teachers. The only way I can think to describe my experience is that I often feel like I am witnessing something both supremely beautiful and desperately tragic at the same time. And sometimes the beautiful aspects of Mormon fraternity seem hopelessly unavailable to me unless I am willing to be perceived as heterosexual. It is a dynamic over which I find myself in near constant consternation.

As mentioned in the article, there are spaces within our church culture where male sensitivity is valued and celebrated. Emotional vulnerability is appropriately manifest during a talk or testimony and the love a bishop or stake president has for his counselors can legitimately be expressed over the pulpit. These are aspects of the experience of Mormon masculinity that I celebrate.

In other ways, it seems that male sensitivity among Mormon men is more highly compartmentalized. There are times in which it seems the brotherly love aspects of the Mormon male experience are extended only insofar as one is judged to be non-threateningly heteronormative. Exchanges of physical affection are rare and are only performed under the unspoken agreement that both parties involved are mutually dispassionate. Hugs are reserved only for occasions in which the formality cannot be avoided. To solicit a hug after a home-teaching visit seems a severe imposition. I can't help but contrast this with how I am greeted by many of my gay male friends, with whom I share friendships that are completely platonic in nature, but among whom the cultural expectation is: bookend hugs given and received generously at the beginning and end of virtually every social interaction. Sometimes elders quorum can feel quite cold by comparison.

(Post-Gen-X) male Mormon missionaries seem to be the one exception to this: they can be seen nestled together with arms around each other during prolonged periods in LDS pews. And yet, paradoxically, I find myself (gently) reprimanding missionaries, perhaps more than any other demographic, for making derogatory (albeit, unintentionally so) remarks i.e. "This [thing that I don't like] is so gay" or "That guy is such a flamer." I find the coupling of these seemingly incongruous behaviors absolutely fascinating. But it also saddens me as it serves to make this would-be warmth unnecessarily exclusive, available only to those who are man enough to deserve it.

So when Haglund states, "The performance of Mormon masculinity is a difficult balancing act, a tightrope walk between [two] poles," I get it.