To agree or not to agree: that is NOT the question

Building bridges of understanding is so important, but so hard sometimes. Especially when you run into people on both sides who seem so interested in throwing stones without any desire to seek mutual understanding. And when there is so much of that going on, it becomes more difficult to not pick up stones yourself. I really was impressed with a book I read recently called "The Unlikely Disciple." I think it should be on everyone's required reading list. In it, a young man who is a student at Brown University decides to enroll for a semester at Liberty University, an evangelical university founded by Jerry Falwell and one of the most conservative universities in the country. He describes the culture shock he experiences after having attended Brown, a very progressive school. But the cool thing is that even though he notes key differences between the two cultures, some of which are quite troubling to him, he is able to see the people in his new environment beyond those differences, and embrace the common humanity that people of differing ideologies share.

I've decided that the ability to disagree and do so respectfully is one of the most important skills I want to learn. Heaven knows I have plenty of opportunities to do that. While I often become frustrated with how defensive I get when I come across someone who is prone to unapologetic brow-beating, I am also (reluctantly) grateful for my belonging to two disparate cultures that are often at odds with each other, because of what that dual citizenship has taught me. I come across a lot of people who think it is their responsibility to force their opinions on others in a dogmatic way, perhaps because of a lack of exposure or willingness to engage people with differing opinions, and I hope my experiences continue to teach me how important it is to avoid treating others in that way.

The following is a conversation I had (via blogging) with someone who had blogged about Harry Reid, calling him "Dirty" and "Dusty" and an "embarrassment" to his faith.

Me: You stated in your post: "I personally can't stand Mr. Reid, or anything that he stands for."

I understand you may not see eye to eye with Senator (Brother?) Reid on everything... and you have every right to disagree... I have fundamental disagreements with him as well, but is it really possible that you can find ZERO common ground with him? Have you met the man? Are you really able to say that you oppose EVERYTHING he stands for? Is it possible to know where a person stands on EVERY issue without engaging him in conversation? I may be wrong, but if you did have the opportunity, perhaps you would be surprised at what you share in common... Would it be: A love of the church? Of the scriptures? Of sacred music? Observance of the word of wisdom? The importance of temple attendance? A commitment to home-teaching? It's hard to say. But the point is, I think, and you may feel free to disagree with me on this, is to look for commonalities rather than simply dismiss somebody because of perceived differences. One of my favorite quotes of all time is this one from Joseph Smith:

“If I esteem mankind to be in error, shall I bear them down? No. I will lift them up, and in their own way too, if I cannot persuade them my way is better; and I will not seek to compel any man to believe as I do, only by the force of reasoning, for truth will cut its own way.”

I think the point is that while it is fairly easy to discount people we disagree with by calling them names (whether that is "Dusty," "Dirty," "right-wing," "left-wing" or what have you), the real challenge is to dare to find common ground. And attempt to lift people up, even when we don't see eye to eye. When I allow myself to engage people with whom I disagree, rather than belittle them because some of their beliefs may differ from mine, I am often surprised to learn that we have things in common. I think as we focus on the things we share rather than the things that would divide us, we come closer to treating each other as the Savior treats us. Don't we hope that the Savior will dare to focus on the things we share with him, our strengths, our kind words, our good deeds, rather than focus on the things that divide us from him (our weakness, our failings, our sin)?

Blogger: "I personally can't stand Mr. Reid, or anything that he stands for."

I was speaking politically primarily. However the more I know about him, the less inclined I am to agree with him on much of anything.

Me: I don't understand how a few political disagreements qualifies a person to say that he is less inclined to agree with Harry Reid on ANYTHING. Can you help me understand how knowing where a person stands on political issues is indicative of where they stand on every other issue?

Your post has prompted many questions for me: What is our responsibility towards those with whom we disagree? Are we still obligated to lift them up? Does the fact that our disagreement is "political" give us license to call them names or portray them in a negative light? Is all fair in love and politics? :) Is it worth the effort to try to separate the politics from the person? Is there room in the church for disagreement among members without resorting to calling each other an "embarrassment?" Is it important to recognize the many ways in which the church brings us together? Is it important to recognize the things upon which we can agree?

...

I am still learning how to disagree and do so respectfully. One thing that I am often tempted to do but have been trying to avoid is calling people names. I find that when people resort to name calling, it is really just a lazy way of avoiding the underlying issue. It is so much easier to call someone a filthy son-of-a-biscuit than to address the issue with cogent, well-articulated arguments. That takes work. Knowing that makes it easier to identify lazy thinking and less likely for me to get defensive at the sound arguments people are NOT articulating.

I have also come to realize that we have certain "areas" where we allow ourselves to hate on people. Whether it's politics, religion, school rivalries, or what have you we somehow justify in our brains that in those situations it is OK to be rude and belligerent. Breaking down those areas where I give myself automatic license to disparage and belittle has helped me to be more peaceful in my disagreements with people.