Derelicte

I recently saw this list online. It was taken from a GQ-esque magazine.

10 Things You Need… in Your Closet

1) WHITE OXFORD BUTTON-DOWN SHIRT
May we suggest: Cotton button-down shirt ($40) by Izod.

2) LIGHTWEIGHT CASHMERE V-NECK SWEATER
May we suggest: Cashmere V-neck ($178) by Banana Republic.

3) SUNGLASSES
May we suggest: Sunglasses ($174) by Persol.

4) A DARK PAIR OF JEANS
May we suggest: Vintage "Capital E" jeans ($178) by Levi's.

5) ONE SET OF CEDAR SHOE TREES
May we suggest: Cedar shoe trees ($60) by Zegna.

6) WHITE T-SHIRTS
May we suggest: Cotton T-shirts ($30 for a pack of three) by Calvin Klein.

7) BLACK LACE-UPS
May we suggest: Leather lace-up shoes ($495) by Tod's.

8) OVERNIGHT BAG
May we suggest: Taiga-leather Kendall bag ($1,510) by Louis Vuitton.

9) THREE-BUTTON NAVY SUIT
May we suggest: Three-button wool suit ($1,595) by Canali.

10) MEDIUM-WIDTH TIE
May we suggest: Silk tie ($95) by Jack Spade.

Nevermind that if I were to invest in such a bank-breaking wardrobe, I wouldn't be able to afford the closet in the first place. I would, however, be the most fashionable homeless person around (think "Derelicte" from Zoolander). Seriously though, who could afford to spend $178 on "Capital E" jeans? I doubt if I could even afford lowercase e jeans. Reading this list made me think of things I definitely don't want in my closet. In no particular order, here's a list of the top 10:

10 Things You Don't Need… in Your Closet.

1) DEAD BODIES
Dead bodies are so last season.

2) MEMBERS OF AL-QAEDA
Not only are terrorists extremely unfashionable, but harboring them in your closet could potentially get you in trouble with the FBI, or worse, with your landlord.

3) IN-LAWS
Keeping your In-Laws in the closet would be detrimental to your marriage. It could also be detrimental to your In-Laws.

4) ANY OF THE CREATURES FROM PETER JACKSON'S MOVIES
Orcs, Uruk-hai, and any of the creatures from Skull Island (creepiferous natives, face-sucking bugs). No thank you.

5) A BOGGART-YOU KNOW, THE SHAPE-SHIFTING CREATURE FROM HARRY POTTER
Who would want to be greeted by their worst fear every morning? That's got to have a pejorative effect on your psyche.

6) HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON
See explanation from 5).

7) BARNEY
Barney couldn't be any scarier if he were a giant purple dinosaur who sang sappy songs about love and other fanciful or fictitious emotions. Oh, wait...

8) WILLY
Willy should be free!

9) HEALTH CARE
Health care should be free!

10) MODERN DANCERS
Modern dancers should be free! Free to interpret the world through dance! Free to become clear flowing streamlets and ice cream sundaes with whipped cream and cherries on top!

11) RICHARD SIMMONS
Not in my closet.

Ok so there are actually 11 things I don't want in my closet. I didn't want Richard Simmons to feel excluded. Anything you would/wouldn't like in your closet?